I AM STILL STANDING IN HIS MIRROR IMAGE

It's been a rough couple of weeks, but I am still here. Fighting with a greater confidence. Things are all coming together in my heart and mind now. My security in the Lord is back where it used to be, my understanding is beyond what I could have seen, and my faith is greater in the Jesus in me. I am standing as an individual strengthened in my Christ once again, relying on my relationship with Him and not my husband, not needing or demanding him anymore. I can't believe how much I have changed this last year, but even more so, my understanding just in the last two weeks as I had to press into the warfare that I thought was coming to an end. I have to laugh thinking how much I was begging God here the other night that this was it, this was all I could give. I needed something back in return. I have gone past all I have ever known and all that I have ever done, honestly hoping He would miraculously just put an end to the battle, convict my husband in one night like so many other testimonies I have heard, and all of a sudden he would be saying, " I'm sorry, I love you", instead of another horrible Valentines evening of "I don't love you, I don't care about you anymore!" But I am just a girl of fantasies. Instead the Lord tells me He's not going to do that because it's about the journey. Oh goody me! I get the long version of the drawn out fantasy. I will have the desire of my heart, but as I said before, God is refining my life, my marriage, setting not only myself free of all past bondage and oppression, and every single bad habit, but also my family,and more importantly, transforming my husband and drawing him into true salvation and a real intimate relationship with Jesus, Himself. I cannot believe how deep we have gone this time. Each time Him saying..mmmm, just a little bit more...just a little bit deeper. I laugh because all along I have been praying Lord take me deeper. Lord set us free. Lord, my children will be children of freedom and children of the promise. I just didn't know we were going to do it all in one night. That's what it feels like. But then again, I prayed for acceleration of the blessing. I guess He knew with His help I could do it. Lol Well, the blessing and the anointing doesn't always come without a cost. Think about what kind of a spoiled brat we would be then. Thinking we are always entitled to everything we wanted without any appreciation or character. Sounds like a couple of teenagers I know of here lately.

So here I am. Feels like the night I had eight teeth pulled before getting my braces, but it was worth all the pain to have a beautiful smile. I know you think I am crazy! How can I know my prayers are being answered when I keep going through one more thing after another. That's how I know. Every step Jesus is directing me what to do, what to pray, strengthening me for just one more day. He is so amazing! He sees the heart and needs of the other person. I just needed to lay down my life for them and pray for them. I needed to learn to react differently to my husband and pray. Just like the other night. I sat alone eating dinner by myself again. Thinking about how he screamed at me on Valentines day also saying "you always get what you want." I'd like to beg to differ, but there was no use in arguing the same argument. All I wanted was my husband to sit with me, not at the computer. I remembered right before he told me about her that I had asked him to come sit with me and the kids for dinner and he hollered at me "I don't want to, I am leaving soon." I had no idea where that was coming from, but it hurt. Now I had to deal with this hurt too. Insult upon insult, but my God is greater!!! This time I said, "Lord thank you for sitting here with me and enjoying dinner with me. I am not alone. You are here with me." Immediately I felt His presence upon me and the rest of my night became a night of praise. That is all He was looking for. Looking for me to turn to Him instead of yelling at my husband that he doesn't spend time with me, only to have him argue that he does. Only this time he would remind me that he doesn't care anymore, so it was pointless anyways. That praise turned into powerful weapons of worship that pulls down strongholds. That is what God means when He says our weapons are not carnal but mighty in the pulling down of strongholds!

2 Corinthians 10:4-6

4 The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 6 And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete.

ONCE OUR OBEDIENCE IS COMPLETE!

Now my obedience is nearing it's completion. My new behavior is becoming habit.(Even my husband commented he noticed I am not reacting the way I used to. Amen! That was the goal right? To become silent and show him with my ways, as the bible directs) I have learned to think and react from the right starting place. I have more of God's word in me. I have been delivered from several strongholds and generational curses. I have learned to put my needs and security back in the Lord and not my husband. I have learned to submit my husband to the Lord and not try to control him or discipline him myself. I have been learning to love him and respect him the way that God wants me to. I have come to the realization that when my husband errors or gets trapped in sin I am to pray for him. ( Where the heck as Christians did we forget to do this for our spouses? They wrong us and hurt us , they fail to meet our expectations and we want to leave them, condemn them, or kick them to the curb. We forget they need us to pray for them just as much as our brothers or sisters, or our neighbors.) I have learned how to help someone else get through their journey as long as they are willing to travel it. There is a great reward and blessing just on the other side.

So tonight I rest in peace. My husband has been showing some affection towards me,to which I am grateful to the Lord! But I know something he doesn't. God is in control and He is changing him everyday. I have been praying and declaring " Thank you Lord for making my husband the mirror image of Jesus from glory to glory." His word cannot return to Him void! Hallelujah! It has to accomplish what was spoken, what it was sent to do. You may not see it working today or tomorrow, but one day it will just spring up! Today as I meditated on that prayer the Lord ever so gently rested in my heart showing me that also means that my husband WILL love me the way Jesus loves me because he is the mirror image of Jesus. Because he is the mirror image of Jesus, he will be intimate with me the way Jesus is intimate with me. Because he is the mirror image of Jesus, he will love me with the same kind of passion and affection that Jesus loves me with. Because he is the mirror image of Jesus, he will be attentive to me in the same manner Jesus is attentive to me, to my needs, to all my wants, to all my likes and desires. It just goes on. That's how good God is! There is no end to His goodness or capabilities! It's all in learning to trust Him and apply all that He is trying to give you, and wait for His timing.

To be honest, I hate closing on this note without giving you all the specifics of my battle and training. I know you are eager to get going and applying these same tactics in your life, but it must always start in you seeking Him and trusting Him first. Your walk may differ of course. Many of you will not have all the struggles I have had. Others may have more. God is in control. He will direct you and strengthen you. He will never leave you or forsake you. Jesus died loving you, and you.

Trust in this .....as you pray for your spouse know...

2 Corinthians 4:16

Therefore we do not give up. Even though our outer person is being destroyed, our inner person is being renewed day by day.

Thank you Lord! For I know the outer man of my husband is dying, it is being destroyed! (that's the part you are seeing with your eyes,the part that is raging against you because it is corrupt and dying!) but his inner man is being renewed in You and by Your Spirit day by day! (that's the part you choose to believe and trust in!)
I don't look at the circumstances! I choose to believe in You and Your word! (Not what my eyes see or ears hear) You are greater! You are above and not beneath the circumstances and what my eyes see!

As you are praying this for your husband you will see that your old self is dying too, and YOU are being renewed day by day in your mind and heart.

(Trust God! He says He will compensate you for all your trouble and pain. He says you WILL see the defeat of your adversaries! Your ears WILL hear it!)

2 Corinthians 3:18

We all, with unveiled faces, are looking as in a mirror at the glory of the Lord and are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory; this is from the Lord who is the Spirit.


I find in myself now and I can see... I AM becoming the mirror image of Jesus. I AM behaving more like Jesus. I Am thinking more like Jesus. I Am loving more like Jesus!

NO MORE SPIRITUAL FAMINE! (prophecy)

"A voice is heard in Ramah [Arizona ;)], weeping and great mourning, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted..." Mathew 2:18.

I've always had so much compassion for mankind. I feel as though you are my children. You always have been and you always will be. As long as I am able to pray for you I will adhere to my senses as your spiritual mother, refusing to be comforted until I know salvation has come to you. Taking a protective stance over you in prayer, praying for your provision, fighting for your spiritual freedom and prosperity. I will love you because Jesus loves you.

The last two prayer sessions have had some tremendous power flowing. I am finally at the place of command. Things are breaking, moving, and finally being released. For so long I could always feel the blessing and the anointing flow into me, but rarely did it ever flow out. I struggled with this not understanding why things weren't moving and flowing through me. It's there, I feel it, but why do I feel stopped up? Stagnant? Like a lake or reservoir that fills up and with no outlet to run fresh. A true meaning of a constipated Christian I suppose. Frustrating!! Now that I have been delivered of the strongholds of my flesh I can feel things moving with power! Oh! That's what it's supposed to feel like! It feels good! Yes, release feels good! You know what I'm talking about! ;) People if I could just get you to understand the things that stop us up in the spirit. Sin and these strongholds that we ignorantly and sometimes willingly give place to, hinder the blessing from flowing in our lives. But no more! God is getting ready to do what He said He would do! In my video I told you Isaiah 46 says...

9 Remember the former things, those of long ago;
I am God, and there is no other;
I am God, and there is none like me.
10 I make known the end from the beginning,
from ancient times, what is still to come.
I say: My purpose will stand,
and I will do all that I please.

(You should see me with my arms raised shaking my fist yelling YAAAAAA!!!!!!)


I just wanted to bless the Lord last night. I just started shouting out praises to Him. I can't even remember all that I said, I know I was praying for your deliverance and I know that as I started praying," Lord do what pleases you! Come Lord and do what pleases you! You said you are God and you will do what pleases you! (Isaiah 46 9-10) I know it pleases you to set your children free!" At this point there was so much going on in my mind and heart. I know that people have been so blinded and we have willingly given place to false idols and beliefs which are lies from the devil, and accepted the corruption of the world. How can they know Lord? So much hurt, so much pain, so much struggling. Please forgive us, please forgive them, they do not know, they do not understand. Immediately I felt as if a gate in heaven had been opened and a flood of heavenly host came charging out of it on horses! I thought my God just sent an army. He just sent an army!!!! And then it came to my spirit He sent an army to round up the minions that have been wrecking havock in this world and in you! I started to praise Him because I knew then He sent an army to take back this world and I started praising Him and shouting the earth is yours Lord! The earth is yours Lord!

Psalm 24:1

1 The earth is the LORD’s, and everything in it,
the world, and all who live in it;

Do you need a second witness?

Psalm 89:11
11 The heavens are yours, and the earth is yours; everything in the world is yours -- you created it all!

Yes! The Calvary is coming!! If things seem to be suddenly going chaotic or getting worse in your life, it's only for a moment. Things have been stirred up in the spirit world. The enemy is freaking out and battling trying to keep the ground he has obtained, but he HAS TO GO! In the name of JESUS!!! Now is the time to press into His word and stand in HIS strength, not your own, and stand in faith!

Just a little bit ago the Lord brought to my spirit His word, "I will not bring famine upon you." (Ezekiel 36:29) I have been praying this over the financial realm of my life, but tonight God spoke this to me for you, showing me He is not going to bring spiritual famine upon you, He is removing it right now! "I will save you from all your uncleanness......I will not bring famine upon you." He knows (my children) you are tired, He knows how weary and defeated you are, how empty you feel. He wants to fill you up. He is going to put His Spirit in you, His strength, His love. I just started crying because I could feel His love for you and the freedom and release He is bringing to you. Rejoice in Him! Now I understand He has sent an army to round up the minions that have been tormenting you and to remove the spiritual famine you have been experiencing. I can't even express to you the greatness of the flow of His Spirit and love! He loves you so much! Jesus loves you! Just let Him flow! Hallelujah! NO MORE SPIRITUAL FAMINE!!!

Enduring Valentines

I have to share this letter from Lynn Donovan coauthor of Winning Him Without Words. It was very inspiring and comforting to me. Every year at Valentines I long for the kind of romance you see on Tv and read about in books. Always left feeling like I was the only married woman who was never given any flowers, chocolate, or cards from my beloved spouse. There were a couple of times that I did receive a gift, but it didn't feel so romantic after a bunch of griping and prodding on my end. I just never understood. Of course after last years birthday and Valentines celebration came and went with total devastation as his mind and heart was set for someone else, doing the romantic things I always begged him for with someone else, while he tore my heart apart with his harsh words and actions,I'm left feeling a little jittery about my upcoming birthday and Valentines day this year.I never really thought about how close the two were. Last night it made me feel kind of special. I wondered if I should continue my plans to do something nice and special for husband without any expectations. I wondered if it was okay to hope for something nice this year. Hoping the Lord had been able to work enough love and change into my husbands heart. The Lord has done an amazing job, and so quickly at that. When I stop and think about all that has gone on and could have happened, a year doesn't seem that long anymore. It's only been six months since my husband suffered from a broken heart as the Lord severed the ungodly relationship that was taking place outside of the covenant. I had and have to endure the season of healing in his heart, and I haven't been exactly patient about it. I am so thankful for the Lord's grace that has been more than enough during my times of weakness. I love Him ever more! I love Him for what He has taught me. I love Him for helping me to love my husband more. I am grateful that the Lord has been in control and my husband is still home with me and our children. I am grateful as I see the Lord working deliverance into my husband, myself, and our family life in all aspects. The Lord is faithfully fortifying and inhabiting US! He is rebuilding that which has been destroyed and devastated. He confirmed again to me this last Saturday through a man of God at church. I will have my reward for my obedience and endurance. I wait on the Lord!

This letter from Lynn shows me again that I am not the only woman who longs for the typical idea of romance and that I can and should take the initiative to bless my husband, knowing that I WILL reap what I sow. I sow love, kindness, romance into my husband WITHOUT putting expectations on him, and the FATHER who sees all will reward me. I can put all my expectations on Him and His Word!

(But first I wanted to include this verses for your reference)

Galations 6 (read this over a couple of times. I just got some new revelation myself :))

6 The one who is taught the word is to share all good things with the one who teaches him. (Do you see it? I just did. The person that is learning has to bless and give back to the one doing the teaching. The law of reaping and sowing already in effect. Your action of sowing love is teaching the other person. You are planting seeds that will produce fruit for you to reap!)
7 Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. 8 For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. 9 Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary. 10So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith.

Colossians 3:23-24
23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, 24 since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward.

Ephesians 6:8

8 because you know that the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does

Hebrews 6:15 (My New Favorite)

having patiently endured, he (she) obtained the promise.



Valentine's Day is strange! (by Lynn Donovan)

This day could make me one of the happiest women alive or shatter my life. In the early years of my marriage, I had expectations of surprise trips to some warm destination. I dreamed of three dozen roses arriving at the bank which would make all my coworkers green with envy. I wanted him to sweep me off my feet because after all I deserved it. I mean really.....

After all, he was lucky enough to snag me.

Ahem....

Don't pretend you haven't had thoughts along these lines as a young bride. Perhaps you still might.

Well, I am writing to you today for a couple of reasons. I wish when I was young and starry eyed about love, a wise woman would have come along side me to help me get a grip on reality. I may not be the wisest woman but I care so very much about your tender heart.

My first five Valentine's Days I was lucky in that my husband remembered to buy me a card. Many of you tomorrow won't receive anything from your spouse. However, I wanted bouquets of flowers. I was so disappointed I cried.... Alone in the closet. Okay, Jesus cried along with me.

So, as this greeting card holiday looms, it helps to share a heads-up. Our husband's might disappoint us. Remember, our expectations of our men can be very selfish and our men often feel that no matter what they do, they can never make us happy.

I can hear some of you saying right now.... But, why shouldn't I expect some token of love on this day we celebrate romantic love? Well, honestly, I believe you should. However, it doesn't always happen.

Let me share how our Valentine's Day changed over the years. After five years of a card when "I wanted more," I took matters into my own hands.

I began to plan Valentine's Day and didn't wait for my man to make dinner reservations. I made reservations or planned a candle light dinner at home. If I wanted a bouquet of flowers, I bought them. I bought lingerie then wrapped it up to give to him with a promise to model it.

I'm not sure when it started to happen but flowers began to arrive at the house around Valentine's Day in the strangest way. I remember opening up the front door one year to a smiling FedEx driver. The driver looked at me wearing a great big smile and holding a large thin box. She said, "Mrs. Donovan, this is one of my favorite deliveries to make." The box was filled with live fresh flowers. They were pink and beautiful and ...... guess what...

I cried.

~But not in the closet.

God can change any man but I bet He is gonna change you first. Don't wait on him. Plan something now and make this Valentine's Day a great day.

Have a wonderful day and don't forget that Jesus is really the only one who can fill the hole in our hearts. Happy Valentine's Day and may the Lord send you several tiny love notes and delight your heart.

Be Blessed, Lynn

Change is coming..I can feel it.

I truly felt today that the change I have been praying for is coming! The changes I have been praying for in my husbands heart mostly. I could just feel the Holy Spirit reassuring me He is doing it! He is transforming his heart and renewing it! I just started praising Him! He does a work that worketh effectively! I just felt as if the Lord was laying on my husband, like the prophet did, bringing every cell in his body back to life. I just started praying yes Lord, You are in him, and all around him! He belongs to you! He is your possession! Hallelujah! I know change is coming in all areas and aspects of my life. Woo! Hoo! I am so excited! It won't be long now! Pressing in!


Here we go...I felt the change coming today. It's coming....So I can't...I won't..
I'm not about to give up
Because I heard you say
There's gonna be brighter days!....I wont stop, Ill keep my head up
No, I'm not here to stay....I just might bend but wont break
As long as I can see your face...I'm gonna move!

What God says to Israel

Well I got news for you...this is what God says to Israel.....
1“Arise, shine, for your light has come,
and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.
2 See, darkness covers the earth
and thick darkness is over the peoples,
but the Lord rises upon you
and his glory appears over you.
3 Nations will come to your light,
and kings to the brightness of your dawn. Isaiah 60:1-3
Isaiah 60:10-12
10“Foreigners will rebuild your walls,
and their kings will serve you.
Though in anger I struck you,
in favor I will show you compassion.
11 Your gates will always stand open,
they will never be shut, day or night,
so that men may bring you the wealth of the nations—
their kings led in triumphal procession.
12 For the nation or kingdom that will not serve you will perish;
it will be utterly ruined."
Isaiah 60:18
18 No longer will violence be heard in your land,
nor ruin or destruction within your borders,
but you will call your walls Salvation
and your gates Praise.
Isaiah 60:22
"I am the Lord;
in its time I will do this swiftly.”

Burn it Up and Purge it!

I am happy to share another praise report with you. I have been praying for my sister for over a year now regarding the horrible relationship she was in. Honestly she has gone from one to another, after another... This last one was the worst due to all the things that were involved, but the Lord is faithful! I came across another verse that just empowered me in my faith. She has finally left the man and I pray will continue on a path of healing and restoration with her relationship in the Lord. All you mothers and even fathers concerned about your children and the backsliding...I have a promise for you! I told you in my video to pray Ezekiel 36:24-37 over them, now go forward to Ezekiel 37. Pray this over your spouses too!

"They will no longer defile themselves with their idols (drugs, ungodly relationships, sexual immorality, rebellion,perversity,pornography..etc) and vile images or with any of their offenses, for I will save them from ALL their sinful backsliding, and I will cleanse them. They will be my people, and I will be their God" Ezekiel 37:23

Everything you need is all written right here! And it goes on to say..

"..They will have one shepherd (talking about King David and Israel, but you can substitute that imagery for God being the one shepherd over your loved one). They will follow my laws and obey my decrees. They will live in the land I gave..the land where your fathers lived (sign of restoration)....They (the loved one you are praying for) AND their children AND their children's children will live there forever!...I will make a covenant of peace with them; it will be an everlasting covenant. I will establish them (restoration) and increase their numbers ( I was thinking this applies to just having more children, but it just came to me as I am writing the Lord says that applies to their finances and things of substance as well!!), and I will put my sanctuary among them forever! My dwelling place will be with them; I WILL be their God!, and they will be my people. Then the nations, (your family, friends, neighbors..etc) WILL KNOW that I the Lord make Israel ( YOU, His Beloved) HOLY, when my sanctuary is among them forever!" Ezekiel 37:24-28

Hallelujah! Do you see the promise? He is saying He is not going to forsake your loved ones, He is going to bring them back from sin, then He is going to bless them and restore them with increase, and bless all their children and all the great grandchildren! What an awesome God! Don't you let go of this promise! You hold onto to it and confess it, believe it every waking day!

I have also prayed these prayers over my sister and my husband.

The Knitting of Souls Prayer~ Author Unkown

Father, if (name) soul has been knit to the soul of any of the following people/ or any person(if you do not have a name) in any manner that would not bring glory and honor to the Lord Jesus Christ, I choose to loose their soul from the soul of each of the following (name of people you want removed from loved ones).

If (name of loved one) has listened to any lies that Satan or any demonic forces have given (name) concerning any of these people, I confess that as sin, and I ask You to forgive (name). I put the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ between (name of loved one/or name of stronghold such as lust,adultery,depression,anger,etc) and each person I have named and any demons that may be in or around them.

All this I pray in the Name, the Power, and the Authority of the Lord Jesus Christ of John 3:16. (Some like to specify which Jesus because their are counterfeits and this way there is no room for confusion.)

This prayer doesn't just have to applied with sexual relationships, it can be any relationship that leads to rebellion, or a life that is unholy or unpleasing to the Lord in characteristics. Such as, my husband was associating with someone that was filled with lust and is an unbeliever and he started to look up to him and take on his character so I prayed this prayer several times until I started to see the change. Whatever spirit is operating in one person will link up with a spirit in another person, and that is why people get drawn away and into doings things they normally don't do all of a sudden. I also realized I had a friend that every time she became close friends with another couple they would end up separating or in a divorce. I was not immuned to it either, but I had Jesus in me constantly battling for me against the spirit that was operating in her, trying to link up with the issues I had going on in me.(principalities working through personalities) We must learn to get rid of these strongholds and be completely filled with the Spirit of the Lord so we don't have to worry about such things. It does take spending time with the Lord and learning to obey and submit to Him.

If you have been involved in past sexual relationships or find it hard to pull away from friendship relationships you know you need to break free from, or if you are having constant memories and feelings for someone that you shouldn't be, past or present, pray for forgiveness first, then pray this over yourself as many times as you need to. Also insert and pray this part before the closing of the prayer....

As best I know, I have chosen or do now choose to forgive them for any way they may have sinned against me. I bless them, and I ask You to bless them. If, according to Your wisdom and knowledge, I have not genuinely forgiven them I'm asking You to reveal that to me and prepare me and enable me to truly forgive each one of them. I choose to allow You to produce in me the attitude toward them that the Lord Jesus Christ wants me to have.

Another prayer I prayed several times a day ...

Lord, I pray (name) will be obedient to Your voice of instruction turning from their lives of sin. Lord, I pray that You will break every stronghold that is blocking deliverance, repentance, salvation, healing, and restoration for (name) and all other marriages. I pray that (name) and ALL ungodly and wrong relationships be severed and that you would end all evil communication right now! In the Name of Jesus permanently! I pray for a mighty outpouring of the Holy Spirit as You breathe Your agape love into my spouse and marriage and all couples of hurting and dead marriages. For nothing is impossible with You, God. In the Name of Jesus I pray, Amen.
www.rejoiceministries.org

One prayer I personally prayed was.. Lord I ask you to severe all thoughts of the other person, all memories, all feelings of enticement and excitement from the mind, heart, and soul of my spouse. That You would send your Holy Fire to burn it up and turn it to ash, and wash it all away with the blood of Jesus. Thank you for sending your Holy Spirit to purge my spouse from all these evil ties and strongholds, all these impurities, in the Name and Mighty Blood of Jesus!

(and to be honest, I just recently prayed this over myself too regarding my past. It's time for freedom from all oppression and time to walk into the promised land with NEW LOVE! NEW JOY! NEW MEMORIES!!!!NEW FREEDOMS!!)

I have so much more to come! The Lord is just pouring into me and opening my eyes! Stay tuned! If you would like to email me apart from this blog page for whatever reason, prayer, questions, conversation...email me at esther2jwl@yahoo.com

One Year Victory Anniversary

Today is my one year anniversary of victory as a stander for my marriage! It was a year ago today my husband told me he was leaving me for another woman. Can you say BUT GOD?? Doing the happy dance! Oh ya! Still more to press into, but the Lord is faithful! He is a redeemer, restorer and healer! So thankful that He is in control and has given me a sword to use and taught me how to use it! I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine! (Song of Solomon 6:3, 2:16) I am my beloved's, and his desire is toward me. (Song of Solomon 7:10) Romans 10:11 “Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame.”
Isaiah 54:4
"Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood."

Romans 5:5 Your love " has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit" so the love in my husband is active, real, and strong!

I will praise the Lord!

Keep standing! Keep Believing! Keep praying, shouting, confessing His word and only His word!!!

I Gotcha Babe!

I wanted to come and write to you about the things good and bad that have been happening lately and even my own short comings, but something else happened this weekend. I found myself almost back in the same place I was a year ago. My husband threatening to leave me again, accusing me again of seeking out other men again( more out of hope I sense so that he could move on), defending the other woman and so on. I have, to my surprise, been dealing with a great deal of suspicion, fear, anger, insult and so on. I know it's just a tactic of the enemy still, especially because New Year's day I met with our prayer group from church and we prayed over marriages. I know things were stirred up in the spirit world and I have to keep my ground, but there was so much grief in my heart that my husband still has this hardness of heart and attitude. It made me finally come to a place in my heart where I just let go. I wasn't letting go of God, but I was finally grieved to a point where all I could do was let my husband go into the Lords hands, because I know that sometimes we have to experience things on our own for us to finally see and understand things in life, and even see the grace of God. As I began to pray for the Lord to just strengthen me and direct my steps and provide for me and my children because I am not working right now and not sure what to do,( I know He will provide) He just began to knock away all the thoughts that were coming to my mind.

The Lord began to remind me of all the things that had been turned around this last year, all the interventions. It wasn't by no accident, even though it was all very painful. I have to look back and see that even within the last six months my husband had stated he was no longer leaving me, a few months later he stated he was no longer talking to the other woman, and he finally told me that right before Christmas he deleted the email account that had both of their names on it he used to communicate with her. The Lord has been answering my prayers step by step, whether or not my husband is being truthful I have to trust in the Lord. Even though my husband doesn't understand why he is being compelled to act on these things when it's not what he wanted to do, and he is still displaying a hardness of heart to the ways and truth of the Lord, and that's what's grieving to me, but that goes to show me that the Spirit of the Lord is powerful and working, and He is faithful to His word! ( EZEKIEl 36:27 I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will keep My judgments and do them. I pray this over my husband) It's still hard dealing with all these feelings, even though I know my husband was being inspired by the enemy, because he still hasn't come to acknowledge his behavior as sin or that he has any feelings of love for me, but obviously God is still working in his heart and I just have to keep praying, not allowing myself to be complacent.

I honestly think the Lord wanted me to come to that place of truly "letting go and letting God." He began to fill me with the hope of His word again that He does have a plan and a hope and a future for my marriage. He began to put praise in my heart and reminded me that these behaviors manifesting in my husband are proof that God is working in him because the enemy is trying to discourage me to give up. I, being all wise to the tactics of the enemy, must use this to my advantage. These behaviors allowed me to see what areas I still need to pray over in my husbands heart because these things are not just going to go away. They will hide and resurface when you are not expecting it again. This is a New Year! The Lord showed me again He is just purging and renewing my marriage! I have to press on in prayer and I can rejoice!

Right then I went back to praying over my husband in the area of forgiveness(mostly him forgiving me, past hurts that he hasn't forgiven are allowing a strong hold in him and creating a hardness of heart), healing for the hardness of heart, and infidelity. All of these prayers include praying for conviction and repentance and may be found in the book The Power Of Prayer to Change Your Marriage- Stormie Omartian. As I began to pray the prayer regarding infidelity a very strong image of a little minion intruded my thoughts waving a sword at me. I thought Ooh...I must have touched on something. It really didn't like me praying that. I have prayed this prayer many times but things must be close to breaking off of my husband now I realize when things start attacking and images start manifesting. I have learned to understand and not push aside this images as just my own imaginations. God gave us imagination for a great purpose and one purpose is to communicate to us and let us see things in the spirit world.

As I began to praise the Lord for the breakthrough and tell Him I don't want just His power but His presence, and that I understood that the power is in His presence, and all I wanted or needed was in His presence, I could just feel His mighty presence in me and I could see an image of Him with His strong arm just knocking the dark clouds away from me from the right and then to the left. Light began to shine through to me. A song that I always sang to my son as a baby came into my heart. I could feel the Lord shout to me "I GOTCHA BABE!" My God! My God! My God! All that was in me just let go into His hands. I was and am so filled with the power of His love and presence.

He said it and He meant it...

Hebrews 13:5-6
.....for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!]
6 So we take comfort and are encouraged and confidently and boldly say, The Lord is my Helper; I will not be seized with alarm [I will not fear or dread or be terrified]. What can man do to me?


I woke up and I could still feel His hope, His presence, just holding me..."I gotcha babe...I will not relax my hold on you. I got YOU babe." I realized I needed to study this spirit called infidelity and as I do so much of it makes sense to me, and all I want to do is love my husband even more and fight for him even more. I go to the park to pray and meditate over the stuff I am learning. As I am sitting on the boulder listening to the rush of the waterfall I feel the conviction of the Lord in my own heart regarding the traces of infidelity. When I prayed this prayer over my husband a couple of months ago I knew then I should apply it to myself but I thought I will later. I still liked the feeling of enticement and excitement of past memories, I told myself I could hold onto it for just a little while, I wanted to feel something other than the pain I was feeling now and I wanted something to hold onto to just in case....

Exclamation!!!! What was I thinking??? Obviously I wasn't. Seriously, how can I pray for its removal from my husband when it's still operating in me?? That's the point. Power is limited when you are acting with the same sin. That's why you have to truthfully examine yourself and see if you are lining up with God's word, especially if you are praying for someone else and want to see breakthrough in them. I felt extremely convicted in myself and sought the Lord to forgive me of the lingering sins of infidelity in myself and to forgive me for setting this thing up as a false god to worship in place of God Our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. That is exactly what we do when we give place to sin and these deceptive enticing spirits that we do not rebuke or repent of. Really sheds some light on the true issue doesn't it? At this point the power and presence of the Lord rest even more heavily on me. I know He is glad, and I wonder if that little minion I saw was actually more worried about me coming to repentance and receiving more power in myself than he was of having to let go of my husband. Remember the necessity of an enemy?? (Ron Carpenter)

Honestly as I sat there just absorbing the Lords presence it was so strong and I just poured my heart out right there. I thought something was going to happen and I might end up freaking every one out at the park. Lol. Sometimes we are so afraid to press into the Lord. Afraid we aren't good enough, afraid we won't last being good enough, afraid that we won't get enough of Him and be left still feeling empty. I urge you to really press on this year letting those feelings go, push past them. It's not about us being good enough. Not even our own sins can keep us from the love of God. That is why He sent us Jesus. We don't have to worry about being good enough. In that moment when I just kept thinking how could I have done this? He wasn't judging me, He wasn't hating me, He wasn't telling me I was going to hell. No, He was acting like a loving Father at my knee telling me it's all going to be okay. Dry up those tears, smile. I know your sorry, now get up again. I gotcha babe. And like His bouncy little girl I sucked up the sniffles and put on a half smile and said okay daddy! I love you daddy!

And now I'm stronger. I walked over to another place at the pond. Now I'm ready to pray in the same way and offer the same love to my husband. I gotcha babe! I got your spirit, I got your back!!


To come...How does infidelity find its way into your heart and mind and what to do about it.

Praying for you....I Gotcha Babe!