I Gotcha Babe!

I wanted to come and write to you about the things good and bad that have been happening lately and even my own short comings, but something else happened this weekend. I found myself almost back in the same place I was a year ago. My husband threatening to leave me again, accusing me again of seeking out other men again( more out of hope I sense so that he could move on), defending the other woman and so on. I have, to my surprise, been dealing with a great deal of suspicion, fear, anger, insult and so on. I know it's just a tactic of the enemy still, especially because New Year's day I met with our prayer group from church and we prayed over marriages. I know things were stirred up in the spirit world and I have to keep my ground, but there was so much grief in my heart that my husband still has this hardness of heart and attitude. It made me finally come to a place in my heart where I just let go. I wasn't letting go of God, but I was finally grieved to a point where all I could do was let my husband go into the Lords hands, because I know that sometimes we have to experience things on our own for us to finally see and understand things in life, and even see the grace of God. As I began to pray for the Lord to just strengthen me and direct my steps and provide for me and my children because I am not working right now and not sure what to do,( I know He will provide) He just began to knock away all the thoughts that were coming to my mind.

The Lord began to remind me of all the things that had been turned around this last year, all the interventions. It wasn't by no accident, even though it was all very painful. I have to look back and see that even within the last six months my husband had stated he was no longer leaving me, a few months later he stated he was no longer talking to the other woman, and he finally told me that right before Christmas he deleted the email account that had both of their names on it he used to communicate with her. The Lord has been answering my prayers step by step, whether or not my husband is being truthful I have to trust in the Lord. Even though my husband doesn't understand why he is being compelled to act on these things when it's not what he wanted to do, and he is still displaying a hardness of heart to the ways and truth of the Lord, and that's what's grieving to me, but that goes to show me that the Spirit of the Lord is powerful and working, and He is faithful to His word! ( EZEKIEl 36:27 I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will keep My judgments and do them. I pray this over my husband) It's still hard dealing with all these feelings, even though I know my husband was being inspired by the enemy, because he still hasn't come to acknowledge his behavior as sin or that he has any feelings of love for me, but obviously God is still working in his heart and I just have to keep praying, not allowing myself to be complacent.

I honestly think the Lord wanted me to come to that place of truly "letting go and letting God." He began to fill me with the hope of His word again that He does have a plan and a hope and a future for my marriage. He began to put praise in my heart and reminded me that these behaviors manifesting in my husband are proof that God is working in him because the enemy is trying to discourage me to give up. I, being all wise to the tactics of the enemy, must use this to my advantage. These behaviors allowed me to see what areas I still need to pray over in my husbands heart because these things are not just going to go away. They will hide and resurface when you are not expecting it again. This is a New Year! The Lord showed me again He is just purging and renewing my marriage! I have to press on in prayer and I can rejoice!

Right then I went back to praying over my husband in the area of forgiveness(mostly him forgiving me, past hurts that he hasn't forgiven are allowing a strong hold in him and creating a hardness of heart), healing for the hardness of heart, and infidelity. All of these prayers include praying for conviction and repentance and may be found in the book The Power Of Prayer to Change Your Marriage- Stormie Omartian. As I began to pray the prayer regarding infidelity a very strong image of a little minion intruded my thoughts waving a sword at me. I thought Ooh...I must have touched on something. It really didn't like me praying that. I have prayed this prayer many times but things must be close to breaking off of my husband now I realize when things start attacking and images start manifesting. I have learned to understand and not push aside this images as just my own imaginations. God gave us imagination for a great purpose and one purpose is to communicate to us and let us see things in the spirit world.

As I began to praise the Lord for the breakthrough and tell Him I don't want just His power but His presence, and that I understood that the power is in His presence, and all I wanted or needed was in His presence, I could just feel His mighty presence in me and I could see an image of Him with His strong arm just knocking the dark clouds away from me from the right and then to the left. Light began to shine through to me. A song that I always sang to my son as a baby came into my heart. I could feel the Lord shout to me "I GOTCHA BABE!" My God! My God! My God! All that was in me just let go into His hands. I was and am so filled with the power of His love and presence.

He said it and He meant it...

Hebrews 13:5-6
.....for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!]
6 So we take comfort and are encouraged and confidently and boldly say, The Lord is my Helper; I will not be seized with alarm [I will not fear or dread or be terrified]. What can man do to me?


I woke up and I could still feel His hope, His presence, just holding me..."I gotcha babe...I will not relax my hold on you. I got YOU babe." I realized I needed to study this spirit called infidelity and as I do so much of it makes sense to me, and all I want to do is love my husband even more and fight for him even more. I go to the park to pray and meditate over the stuff I am learning. As I am sitting on the boulder listening to the rush of the waterfall I feel the conviction of the Lord in my own heart regarding the traces of infidelity. When I prayed this prayer over my husband a couple of months ago I knew then I should apply it to myself but I thought I will later. I still liked the feeling of enticement and excitement of past memories, I told myself I could hold onto it for just a little while, I wanted to feel something other than the pain I was feeling now and I wanted something to hold onto to just in case....

Exclamation!!!! What was I thinking??? Obviously I wasn't. Seriously, how can I pray for its removal from my husband when it's still operating in me?? That's the point. Power is limited when you are acting with the same sin. That's why you have to truthfully examine yourself and see if you are lining up with God's word, especially if you are praying for someone else and want to see breakthrough in them. I felt extremely convicted in myself and sought the Lord to forgive me of the lingering sins of infidelity in myself and to forgive me for setting this thing up as a false god to worship in place of God Our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. That is exactly what we do when we give place to sin and these deceptive enticing spirits that we do not rebuke or repent of. Really sheds some light on the true issue doesn't it? At this point the power and presence of the Lord rest even more heavily on me. I know He is glad, and I wonder if that little minion I saw was actually more worried about me coming to repentance and receiving more power in myself than he was of having to let go of my husband. Remember the necessity of an enemy?? (Ron Carpenter)

Honestly as I sat there just absorbing the Lords presence it was so strong and I just poured my heart out right there. I thought something was going to happen and I might end up freaking every one out at the park. Lol. Sometimes we are so afraid to press into the Lord. Afraid we aren't good enough, afraid we won't last being good enough, afraid that we won't get enough of Him and be left still feeling empty. I urge you to really press on this year letting those feelings go, push past them. It's not about us being good enough. Not even our own sins can keep us from the love of God. That is why He sent us Jesus. We don't have to worry about being good enough. In that moment when I just kept thinking how could I have done this? He wasn't judging me, He wasn't hating me, He wasn't telling me I was going to hell. No, He was acting like a loving Father at my knee telling me it's all going to be okay. Dry up those tears, smile. I know your sorry, now get up again. I gotcha babe. And like His bouncy little girl I sucked up the sniffles and put on a half smile and said okay daddy! I love you daddy!

And now I'm stronger. I walked over to another place at the pond. Now I'm ready to pray in the same way and offer the same love to my husband. I gotcha babe! I got your spirit, I got your back!!


To come...How does infidelity find its way into your heart and mind and what to do about it.

Praying for you....I Gotcha Babe!