Raw Emotion

Hello Folks. I said I was going to spend the month of November blessing my husband each day and sharing those with you. Yes, I most definately pray exactly what I am writing and then some. Even if you don't read them it reinforces things in me and blesses me, so it's all good. ;) I knew when I set out to do this I would become a target of spiritual attack. I have been under heavy artillery since January. I had to pray for reinforcements or I would not have been able to make it this far. The Lord is faithful. As you should know by now, I am a very active participant in the spiritual world. I, apparently am a very powerful participant which is why I am under attack so heavily, the enemy for one is scared, two he is losing more and more ground everyday. He doesn't like losing and does whatever he can to re-obtain the ground he lost. I feel compelled to share with you the things I have been battling especially the last couple of days.

Of course things would become more and more of a distraction in my life to keep me from writing about God's work in my life and His word, which is why I started to fall behind in my postings and then completely lose it the other day. Yes, I almost had a break down at the attempts of the enemy yesterday, but a call and prayer with my life coach helped me to get a grip and strength, and direction to help get focused. The bible says that there is power when two or more pray in agreement, that Jesus is in our presence. I am human and the struggle and battle went deep. I needed help and I am not ashamed to admit or share that in hopes it helps someone else. Without telling you too many details right now of the cause, let me just explain what happened. I have been fighting for my marriage like never before as you know if you have been following me on Facebook. During this time I have increased in my knowledge of the enemies tactics.I have been gaining ground in my marriage, self, and inheritance in my bloodline through Jesus victorously! The war isn't over yet, but it's not necessarily just about my marriage. The bible says in John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. Over the years he hasn't been able to conquer me through myself or other attempts, so he decided to beef up his attempts by attacking me through my husband. By trying to remove him from the home again. Hell, all soldiers of combat know military strategy 101. Take off the head, the body will fall. Take the spiritual leader and head of the family's blessing from the home, they suffer all forms of spiritual and emotional devastation, poverty instead of God's prosperity, and lack of protection are the greatest disfigurations of this kind of warfare. I have heard this is supposed to be the year of blessing over the children, mainly daughters, so Satan is attacking families to destroy the children as well. Especially the daughters. They are so much more susceptle to the lack of a father's protection. This is not just about me, this is about my children, and my grandchildren. I can't stop the fight for their sakes!

The second reason for the attack as I stated in a previous blog is to steal the word and the seeds that have been planted in me. My time of harvest has come and it's huge! Enormous! More than I could have ever thought or imagined.The enemy knows more about my call during this time than I do and he is scared! I have to allow myself to be disclipened by this testing.I am being promoted to the next level. Jesus said in the rest of John 10:10 "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." He says James 1:12 "God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." I am enduring this testing and trying of my faith because He is working a completely new foundation in me that is bringing about new life as He promised me last October 31, 2011. New life, new joy, new memories. Things that my eyes have never seen, things that my ears have never heard, things that my mind could never conceive. Only I didn't know what it was going to take to get there, nor did I think I would be caught off guard the way I was, or that the enemy would use my husband the way he did. What better weapon than someone that knows me intimately, someone I trusted more than anyone and trusted to meet my insecurities, someone's insecurities and weaknesses I trusted in (that's a good one, see how the Lord works? He knew my heart, and He wanted to refine it, because that wasn't right either. We are to trust only in God, find fullment in Him first! Have NO other God's before me He says!). As a woman and wife everything my husbands says to me goes straight to the heart and it embeds in my very essence of being a woman. My smile, that I had always been complimented on and became my trade mark and learned to use as a blessing, my age and body of course, my personality, my sacrifices as a wife and mother, you name it he attacked it. He took my very confidence in a way that I had never experienced before. Did God warn me ahead of time? Yes, He knew what was coming, I didn't listen because I wasn't staying completely plugged in. He told me more than once to fireproof my marriage, get the walls built up. (Sure Lord, I will...Ill start working on that more...tomorrow...the next day..) He then showed me in a vision (read my blog,Sound The Alarm and my dream analysis about this house on FB. Had I only understood what it was revealing to come!)to keep my eyes on Him. Solely on Him. He would become my confidence and the battle was His. God is always in control. He allows things to happen to teach us, to allow us that freedom of choice, to push us into the next level of understanding and blessings! I have learned through this how subtly the enemy can deceive us into thinking and feeling and accepting his choices as our own. Through this I have been learning how to overcome the enemy in new ways and greater levels. God is faithful to His word. He said if we endure the trials we will be lacking in nothing and will have the reward of life and more life! I am no longer lacking certain wisdoms. I am increasing in spiritual power through knowledge. I am gaining the freedoms that I was promised in His word and inheritance and these things bring about my new life!

Believe it or not, it took the enemy a long time to get things into exact position to attack the way he did. He doesn't have the power of God to just make things happen or to read our thoughts, he has to wait and watch our behaviour and feed us thoughts and lies after lies and negative emotions and line people and things up just right. I began to learn along time ago that the battlefield begins in the mind. I began to accept God's word into my mind and believe only in His word, which is what helped save me in the beginning of this battle. Because I know that God is His word!! If you get His word, you get Him! There is no separation of the two. I first knew I could trust God to help as He always promised.I knew anything not inline with God's word was of the enemy. The bible says we do not wage war against flesh and blood but against princes and principalities. Principalites work through our personalities. I knew the things my husband was saying did not all come from him because somethings he said attacked the desires I had been harboring in my heart, certain desires I had not expressed to my husband, he would not have known. Then came physical evil manifestations, not only to me but to my daughter. That's when I started becoming more bold. You don't mess with a momma bears' cubs! Of course during this time I am learning and God has brought me more people to pray with and be supported by and I begin to see some breakthrough, positive changes in my husband.

In the beginning I could not do much. I was paralyzed by fear. All I could do was hold onto small words and a scripture or two. One of the scriptures I first held onto was Psalms 25:3 "No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame." I knew God said that whatever I trusted in Him would be done, whatever I asked for. Now I was being tested on that. I shook uncontrollably for months. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. I had to call different prayer lines throughout the day just to keep sane enough to make it through work. Everyday, he said and did things to me that were beyond me. I held on to the promises of God. I fell down, He picked me up several times. One time my husband said something so horrible to me that I could only picture my hand holding onto the foot of Jesus. All I could say in my mind is I am holding onto You Father. Over and over. I couldn't let my heart grow cold. I had to survive this God's way to win. I had to forgive. I had to endure. Another time I lay there shaking uncontrolable and I felt the Holy Spirit move through me saying "He is faithful. He is faithful." I held onto those words. I knew who I was in Christ and I knew who He was to me. Now, He gave me this promise, Isaiah 16:4 "The oppressor will come to an end, and destruction will cease; the aggressor will vanish from the land(my land meaning my home, my family)" Halelujah!! This is when my marriage started going through deliverance. That very next day I started going through deliverance of the strongholds that had been in me for so long, such as anger and anxiety. Now I am learning who Christ is exactly in me.

Like I said, I have learned how the enemy works through our minds and gains control of our emotions. I have become keen to the attacks on my mind now. It doesn't take me as long to figure out the thoughts that come across are not my own. Monday I was being attacked with thoughts against my husband. During my second deliverance meeting I had participated in something called a judgement seat. I had to vision myself and my husband being opposites in a courtroom. God the Father as the judge and Jesus was standing behind my husband. I was allowed to confront my husband with all that I held against him in my heart of pain. Jesus just kept his hand on my husbands back as he sat there. Then I was told that this court was illegal. I had no right to hold anything or to judge my husband in anyway. Only God could do that. At this time I had to forgive him on all the accounts I brought up against him. After that, I was asked what I wanted to happen. I walked over and kneeled before him because I could feel my error, I could feel his pain. I didn't seek vengenance I just wanted his pain to be gone. I didn't want him to hurt anymore, that hurt kept him from loving and receiving God's love.I wanted him to feel loved. I learned during my journey that hurting people hurt people. That is why it is so important to forgive, people also act out when they feel a lack of fulfillment, they need to seek the right kind of fulfillment, and we can help them find it. At this point I see and sense Jesus pouring love into him and then my husband is standing next to Jesus, with a smile and Jesus' arm around him. You have to understand, Jesus is a loving and ever present being.

Oh, yes, back to Monday, I was being bombarded with thoughts against my husband, I just kept saying no, I forgave him of that in the name of Jesus, and then another one would come. After the fourth one it stopped. I snickered to myself. Haha, I beat the enemy this time. Then Tuesday came and something my husband did really got to me because it showed me the corrupted him was still in operation. Fear started settling in because my feelings were hurt, but I tried to put them before the Lord. When we came home he retreated to his computer and I secluded to prayer in my room. Lord spoke to me and told me to go give him a kiss goodnight and say I love you. Really Lord? He replied don't wait and allow the enemy to put distance between you because of your emotions remember. Don't give him any weapons to use. You reap what you sow. Go sow some love. So I did. Surprisingly as I turned to leave he got up and hugged me. That's all I wanted and much more than what has been going on. I went to bed in peace. Wednesday morning came, I felt led to fast. I felt some distance in my husband and wondered why again. He left and I could feel the onslaught of emotions. I began to dwell on the things that had happened that night and the things that have been going on. I knew this was dangerous, but because I was so hurt the enemy used that as an open door, I couldn't fight it off and soon it had over taken my emotions causing me to feel great pain, bringing up more memories to dwell on, and then I started searching for more truth and found things that haven't yet been confirmed but lead to more suspicion and confusion, so my mind and heart went crazy trying to figure it all out and piece things together, which caused me to sink further into raw emotions of hurt, fear, confusion, jealousy, inferiority,and unfairness. These can be called demons. It can be there identities. They still have to bow to the name of Jesus. I was supposed to meet my coach that day and of course the maintenance guy and such started showing up so I couldn't meet with her. Another tactic of the enemy. Didn't want me getting to someone that could help me, so I got her on the phone. We discussed what I was feeling, my actions, the consequences that could happen from my actions,(because I was acting out of the flesh and operating out of the will of the enemy and not trusting in God. That's where the accountability lies, and most people don't understand this right now, but the enemy does.) Of course we prayed together and after hanging up I prayed the prayer of war fare calling each of those things out by name and putting the blood of Jesus between me and them. There is so much power in the blood of Jesus. The enemy has no power, no authority. He likes to trick people and that is all he can do. That's how he operates. We have to stay plugged into God to be able to operate in His wisdom, and knowledge, and love. We can be so easily blinded and influenced if we don't. There are so many more details I will have to break down and share piece by piece. So I am doing better and will continue in my quest until I have fully obtained all success.