Blessing Your Husband Day 4, Who's Your DADDY?

I become more proud of my husband everyday as a father. I admit I was one that was always complaining about him not doing enough for his kids, not spending enough time with them, not disciplining them enough, not teaching them to respect me enough, not sacrificing enough. As I turned to the Lord in prayer asking Him to make my husband a better father, He started doing just that. He started teaching me that I needed to respect my husband and trust the Lord to operate through him, even when I didn't agree with my husbands ways. As I began respecting my husband as head of the house and his leadership, and submitting to his authority over my (I mean our) children, he started taking more of a leadership role. I don't have to yell, plead, or criticize. I just needed to allow him the room he needed to operate as himself, allow God to raise him up as a father, using the talents that was already provided in him. And yes, they differ from me. I am the aggressor, my husband is more passive, but for many years I have been out of line and out of order with the ways of the Lord. As He began to teach me and help me to correct myself, it has enabled Him to teach and correct my husband, as well as my children.

To give you an example, I often at times disciplined my children by yelling at them, that usually escalated to worse scenarios because then my husband would get upset with me because I am yelling and he thinks I am acting out of control. Now my blood pressure is rising and I am feeling disrespected and fearful that I am not controlling my children the way a parent should, and now their is a complete break down of communication and an atmosphere of strife and brokenness in the hearts and spirits of everyone involved. Besides the fact my husband and children have always had very quiet and gentle spirits and any yelling just tears them up. Me too when I am on the otherside. And yes, part of my tactics were learned behaviors and the fact that I didn't really want to follow through with disciplining them, so I would yell at them, demand, and threaten in attempts to motivate them into the outcome I wanted. Didn't always get my desired results, and usually ended up with them having less respect for me. Then I would just be mad and yelling at my husband, afterall, it's all his fault. Wrong! I have learned that I am not in control, I am not the one responsible for all the discipline, or the outcome. God is! Yup, it's His problem. I just needed to submit and follow His word and pray for my husband to be the kind of father GOD purposed him to be.

As I let go, I see my husband step up more and more to the plate. He is learning by trial and error just like we all do, but I see more and more of his strengths. See, he is more calm and patient, he approaches my children with a more gentle and comforting approach. He is a comforter and now that I understand that, I let him be. I cannot force him to be me, like I had tried in the past, and I thank God now that I can see that. I didn't want to be that kind of me.I can't believe that was me. Always hollering, complaining, nagging, and tearing my family down instead of building them up. Honestly I am broken hearted that I caused so much devastation in my family. But Jesus is the God of restoration and healing! He will teach us truth when we are willing to listen and obey and be blessed! Through my prayer and submission to God, my husband is now seeing the things I have had to deal with. At first he was like WHOA! Of course he wanted me to jump in, but I learned it was not my place and said no, this is for you to handle. My job is to support him, respect him, and acknowledge him. These teens are his to handle no matter what the outcome is. You know what. Its working. He is developing his strengths and talents and establishing order in our home God's way. He is teaching our children to respect me more, and there is much less strife in our household. I still have to remind them that mom still and will establish her authority too sometimes, but its not like it was, and I know when to turn to my husband now as well, and let him take over. Everyone is connecting more and smiling, it's becoming a safe environment, where everyone can be themselves. That's the way its supposed to be, but it had to start with praying and obeying DAD ( the Heavenly Father) and respecting and blessing our earthly father.

It just makes my flood gates want to pour open with thanksgiving to the Lord for what He has done, and its so much easier! It's not perfect,yet, but I will keep obeying my Lord and learning what I can to obtain more wisdom, I will keep praying for my husband so that he will be drawn more to the Lord and gain more understanding and wisdom. We are finally on the right path and it breaks my heart that so many homes are not able to operate in Gods purpose for family, because they don't know His word or how to. I have learned that the majority of fathers have a great desire to be a present and good father, a good provider. Being a failure as a father and provider is one of men's biggest fears. Stormie Omartian writes in The Power of a Praying Wife that the thoughts of failure and inadequacy are what cause so many fathers to give up, leave, become overbearing from trying too hard, or develop a passive attitude and fade into the background of their children's lives. (Sound like anyone you know? Can you say having a complaining, nagging, overbearing, angry wife, or one that pushes the father away causes the same issues to arise? We need to ask God to open our eyes to see their gifts and talents as well and accept them, affirm them as the fathers that they are. Be aware, men won't tell you this is what they are feeling either. They need to know that they are needed and important too!) Know our prayers can help redeem these situations as well.

"If they are tortured with doubt and burdened with a sense of responsibility, we can minimize these feelings with our prayers.Prayer can help them gain a clear perspective of what it means to be a good father, and open the door to Holy Spirit guidance on how to handle the parenting challenges" ~ Stormie Omaritian

Another fact is that men can be hurt by and become the molds of their own fathers. We can pray that God will help them to heal from the hurt of their fathers and draw them into spending more time in His presence, so they will learn to imitate Him and be healed of any misconceptions of what being a loving and involved father really is. Remember as wives, we have the power through prayer to pray changes into them and declare those things that are not in them to come into existence. I, for one, feel that my husband is still not as involved with me or his children as I feel is needed. Besides praying scripture I will continue to declare the opposite until I see the desired results manifesting (taking effect) in his being. I have finally begun to see suttle changes more and more, such as, I declare my husband is interested, affirming, verbally communicative, and involved with me and his children. I try to encourage and reward him as much as I can notice now so he will continue in these attributes. If I haven't affirmed him in a day or so I ask the Lord to open my eyes and show me what I am missing or what I can be appreciative of, or how can I bless him?

There is a really good prayer of healing and guidance for fatherhood in The Power of a Praying Wife but I would like to share these other prayers as I feel they are a little more direct about him being a father.

Let me just say too, that I am extremely thankful that my children's father is still in the home. That in itself is a miracle of God after everything that we have done to each other and been through, but that is the power and grace of God. TO HIM BE THE GLORY AND ALL PRAISE! I am also thankful that he has always been an excellent provider for me and my children. I did grow up without my dad in the home so I do know what its like. I refuse to accept that for my children. I DECLARE there will be no separation or legacy of divorce left to our children. I am breaking that generational curse right now! My children will live in the blessing and prosperity of the Lord! If you are a single mother reading this (or father) please know that you are not husbandless and your children are not fatherless. Turn to the Lord as He said He will be your husband and He will be the father of your children. Isaiah 54:13 says "All your sons (daughters) will be taught by the Lord, and great will be your children's peace!" Take hold of the promise and claim it! Speak it over your children and when they disrespect you and disobey you, go back to His word and promise and take your children to Him in prayer! Trust me, my kids know enough now that I threatened them just the other day to take them before the Lord. They were being so disrespectful and I had enough. I wasn't going to react in my old ways, and when I told them that, they shut up and changed their attitudes real quick. 2 Corinthians also says " I will be a Father to you, and you shall be MY sons and daughters, says the LORD ALMIGHTY!" You are not an orphan! Take hope! Malachi 4:6 says "He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers.." Hold onto this one and don't let go of it! Keep confessing it with all your heart!

Now lets pray for our husbands;

Father, give my husband the grace to rule our house well, and teach our children submission with all dignity. I pray he submits himself to You and loves me as Christ loved the church. I thank You my husband rejoices in the wife of his youth and is still pleased to dwell with me and me alone! 1 Timothy 3:4, Ephesians 5:25, Proverbs 5:18 (A Wife's Prayer)

Thank You for Your favor on my husband's life because we are joined together. Give him wisdom to prioritize our lives and position him to be a wonderful provider.
Proverbs 18:22, 1 Timothy 5:8 (A Wife's Prayer)

Thank You that my husband is slow to speak and swift to hear what You are saying to him concerning our marriage and our children. Give his heart the desire to teach our children to love You and Your Word. I pray he creates a desire in the heart of our children to walk in Your ways. Keep him from those things that draw him away from You, things that produce death in families. James 1:19, Genesis 18:19, James 1:14

Thank You that my husband will not provoke our children to anger, but he tutors and trains them in the way they should go. I thank You my children will honor and respect him because he is a man of God. Ephesians 6:2,4 (Your children will be blessed for honoring their mother and father. Remember even if it doesn't reflect reality, you are praying the desired result.)

Thank You that my husband keeps his life submitted to the word of God and to prayer so he always has wisdom to lead our family. I pray he honors You for the hedge of protection You have placed around our lives. James 4:7, Job 1:10

I pray my children will see their father is a man of integrity who walks in righteousness in all that he does. Thank You that he is a strong example before our children, and for the sweet presence of Your Spirit who dwells in our home because of my husband's life. Thank You that my husband has taken his place as the priest of our home. 1 Kings 9:4, Timothy 4:12, Acts 2:2

Lord, my husband has been given the responsibility of training our children. Help him not to withhold correction when they need it. Give him wisdom in applying the rod of discipline. Thank You that when he disciplines them, he is rescuing their lives from hell. Your wisdom is necessary to raise our children. He will invest solid wisdom in their lives so our hearts can rejoice and we can make You glad, Father. Help us to train our children to use their mouths to speak what is right. Proverbs 23

You have granted wisdom in his fatherhood and blessed us in health, strength, submission, and obedience. The children and I are a delight to him and bring him praise and no burdens. Teach my husband to lead our household. May he sit with our children and teach them Your Word and Your ways as he lives and exemplary life, one that our children will honor, admire, and follow after. (A Wife's Prayer~ Pamela Hines)

Lord show my husband your ways and teach him your paths so that he can be a good husband and father. Guide my husband in your truth and teach him, for I know you desire to be his God and Savior. Psalm 25:4-5

Almost forgot this important one:

Lord, I pray for protection over my children and over our marriage. I invite You right now to build and establish our house, our family, and our marriage. I DECLARE that we will never be divided or torn apart. Give me and my husband great wisdom and revelation about how to raise our children. Help us to talk things through and be in complete unity, especially in the area of discipline and privileges. Let no issues of child rearing change his heart toward me or undermine our relationship. Give him wisdom and revelation about all aspects of child rearing and help him to be a great father to our children. In Jesus' name I pray.

There is so much more to this prayer. Please get the book for all the testimonies, guidance, and other prayers. The Power Of Prayer and the Deeper Issues of Marriage, Stormie Omartian

This is such an important topic. Fathers are more important and have a greater impact than they realize. Its time to wake up, stand up, and lift them up!