I Am Starting To "Get It"

I meant to write about this a few days ago but I have been so busy and always wondering if writing these blogs is the right thing to do. Besides the things going on in the relationship realm I was also let go from my job for the first time ever in October and been kind of struggling in that area too, but the Lord has been providing. Even more now I have felt the need to be completely honest about myself and my struggles because it IS helping someone else. Someone else is going through similar stuff, someone else has felt, thought, or acted the same way. The difference is how we deal with it. Some of us turn to the Lord and keep pressing in until we have the victory. We need to share with others how it is done. Dr Juanita Bynaum said you can't pick up someone else if you have never fallen yourself. So true! Life is a journey of lessons! I think I am realizing now what those lessons are to be about. These lessons are not about developing yourself into the perfect person or having the perfect American dream. There is no such thing as perfection in our lifetime. Lol. This really has helped me to relax...a little. :) Our main goal is to learn to develop a relationship with Jesus and prove that God really is who He says He is, and that His word is true. How can that happen if we never fall? He has to be the one to pick us up so we can go and shout and proclaim "Look what the Lord has done for me!!" His power is perfected in our weakness. If you were strong all the time you would never see the real power of God. I can honestly say now I would not want that to happen. Seeing the real power of God is a tremendous honor. He is so amazing and He does things that just boggle your mind. In a crazy way you look back and almost wish to go through it again just to see His hand again. I feel for those people who have not yet understood the power in waiting on the Lord, allowing the test and trial to work on their character. They can't look forward with anticipation of the next good thing the Lord is going to do, and they can't look back without feeling the paining sting of every hurtful memory. It doesn't have to hurt anymore. It is a daily step by step walk in progress. Learning and trusting the Lord everyday. Something I realized from my dad a few days ago, it's okay to go at your own pace, the important thing is if you fall down that you get back up and you take another step. You keep reaching for the Lord.

Another lesson I'm learning during this journey is dealing with those negative thoughts and emotions. My understanding is increasing everyday. God wants us to have the mind of Christ, that includes how and what we think about others. The other day thoughts of my husbands actions came to mind and I started to think of him in not so good of terms. I started to get angry as I began to dwell on them I then stopped myself. I know this is a tactic of the enemy now to persuade me to open those doors. I realized later after thoughts came to mind from the lessons of Grahame Cooke talking about one's identity and thinking from the RIGHT starting place (The Art of Brilliantly Thinking), tucking them away isn't necessarily the right thing to do either. We have to act on them, do what God's says to do with them or they will keep coming back. So first, I went to the Lord and repented. Lord, you said to cast down EVERY thought that tries to exalt against the true knowledge of God. Please forgive me of those things I was thinking towards my husband. Those thoughts I was thinking about him were not true, those are not YOUR thoughts. That is not how YOU see him. That is not his TRUE identity in You. (This is where you start confessing God's word over your spouse and speak those things that are not, as though they are, so God can begin to line things up). You said he is a new creation in You. He has put off the old corrupted man and is living as a new man in Christ. He is bound to the mind of Christ and the purposes of Your heart. You have given him a new identity, one that honors you, for he is becoming the mirror image of Christ from glory to glory. (You just keep speaking God's word over him and this is where you begin to transition into praise. Thank the Lord for the husband you see him as and for the Lords goodness. Think and praise the Lord for all His good benefits and all the things you are believing Him for. As you keep going in praise you suddenly find yourself in mountain moving worship of the Lord God Almighty!)

This is what is pleasing to the Lord. This is where change occurs because of obedience and praise to the Lord. I can finally say I am starting to "get it".

Love Me To and Fro

Tonight he came home from work. I kissed him good morning. :) I made him a plate of dinner and he sat in his usual spot at the computer. I wished for a hug, for him to hold me just for a few moments but I let it go. I'm learning to let go, trusting that the Lord is working in him even though I can't see Him molding him and aligning things up in him. And it's okay tonight. I feel the strength of the Lord generating from His love. He told me again tonight He loved me in His word. "For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to shew himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him." 2 Chronicles 16:9. It was this time last year my husband started acting weird towards me. Accusing me of talking to other men, coming home talking about how another woman didn't want him, and when asked later if he was talking to another woman he denied it. When asked what was wrong, because a wife of 17 yrs you know when something is different in your man even though he isn't talking, and his response was "nothing". So you ask again because you know better and he says "nothing". Then you state I know something is and his response is "That's it! I'm leaving! I don't know when, but I'm leaving!" Of course you are left bewildered and frustrated and wondering what did you do wrong even though deep down you know it's not you, just some kind of excuse for his own short comings, it still breaks you down. It was this time last year he started talking about a girl that was let go from his work. "For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to shew himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him." 2 Chronicles 16:9. My loving God was keeping His promise, His covenant to me, a daughter of covenant. I didn't know what was going on but God did. His eyes were going to fro because He loved me. He had already removed her from my husbands presence. A month later I found out what was going on and the Lord answered my prayer and let it be revealed to me where my husband met her. She was the one he had talked about that was let go from work and supposedly no one knew quite why. The first thought that came to my mind was this verse "For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to shew himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him." 2 Chronicles 16:9. During the later months when I was scared and asking the Lord to remove her He reminded me that He already did and not to be afraid because He was in control. The Lord loved me. He kept His word to me. So tonight I love Him all the more. Wanting to give more. I spent time this morning fasting and praying for my husband. Then I started praising the Lord because I know He has good purposes for our marriage. He has brought us this far. I started to declare His word in faith, then I got deeper into worship of Him. I struggled with trust this week in regards to my husband. I finally broke down one day and said Lord this is driving me mentally crazy! I can't go on like this! I know I'm not trusting you, please help me to get my eyes off of him and back on YOU. So this morning I could worship the Lord in love and tell Him because of His word I can trust my husband because I am trusting YOU! I am trusting You to put the love, honor, faithfulness, and integrity in my husband that You purposed. I trust the Holy Spirit is working to deliver my husband and bring truth and change to his heart. I trust You Lord that You will do all that You said You will do! I trust in your love for me! I love You Lord Jesus!

Later my neighbor asked me to come over. It's the first time we have had a real talk. She was telling me about her relationship and trying to figure out what to do. As I began to share with her from my heart she started crying. She exclaimed, " This is amazing! I saw you! I saw what you were going through at the beginning of the year. ( Yes I was kind of puzzled at this point). I saw how devastated you were and how brokenhearted you were and now you are sitting here witnessing to me! How can you sit here smiling and talking about love with all that you have been going through?? Never-mind I know, it's God! But how? It doesn't make sense! You are an amazing woman!" In my mind I'm thinking ahhh..this is what it's all about. This is the testimony God wants people to see. It has nothing to do with me or my words. She personally saw what I was going through and because I chose to stick things out and obey God in His way, it was a testimony that spoke louder than anything that I could have said. My actions and words lined up with Gods word, and caused her to be able to see the truth in it. Of course I could not take any of the credit. I've wronged my husband in the past. So I shared with her all that the Lord had brought me through and what His word says about love. It isn't going to be easy, but if you persevere in His promises you get what you are asking and believing for. She ask, "but what do you do when your needs are not being met?" My response is you go to the Lord and trust Him to meet all your needs. Seek Him for fulfillment first, take your expectations to Him, not your man, and pray for your significant other, then the Lord will move in him. She sees me smiling, talking with hope and love, and now she is motivated to do the same. Now I'm understanding more of His ways. He could have left me by the wayside when I sinned but He didn't. He loved me unconditionally...He loved me in this... "For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to shew himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him." 2 Chronicles 16:9. He could have ignored my prayers and let my husband wander off with the other woman but He didn't. He forgave me of my sins and helped me to do the same for my husband, because I trusted in His love for me.

Tonight another friend made a comment. How do you ever trust again when something like that happens? You can't, and if there isn't any trust, how can you have a relationship? You can't. She's right. I thought back to this morning and I thought God, I am so glad I have you, I can trust in YOU. I trust you and I love you. I trust you are rebuilding my marriage from the ground up. You are laying a new foundation. You are rebuilding that which was devastated and destroyed. You are fortifying and inhabiting that which was lying in ruins. Ezekiel 36:26. Yup, you can't rebuild on the old stuff, that's why God is in the business of renewal. I am all His. And if tomorrow I find everything has crumbled I will keep loving and trusting in Him. In the meantime I trust He is restoring love in my husbands heart for me. One day he will be affectionate towards me. He will hold me. Why? Because God is working in his heart to be a man that loves me they way Jesus loves the church. I declare that my husband loves me with the love that Jesus loves me with. A love that is faithful, unconditional, a love that is filled with integrity and honor, and a love that is self sacrificing. I know God will put good treasures in my husbands heart for me and our children. I can rest in the Lords love tonight, placing all my expectations on Him and not my husband, because Jesus loves me and is working things out in my husband for me. Yes..Yes..Yes... "For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to shew himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him." 2 Chronicles 16:9.

No more playing defense! I'm going dragon slaying!!

Yesterday was another amazing session of deliverance and healing. The purpose of these meetings is to go back to a place of extreme emotion. It can be hurt, anger, fear, any of these negative emotions can act as a doorway for the enemy to manipulate and use as a tool of deception. Through memory we access these feelings in the heart and ask Jesus to come in and tell us the truth about the situation and to heal it. Remember the bible says perfect love cast out all fear. It casts out a whole lot more! When you have Jesus filling up that place of pain it no longer hurts, you can look back and still feel whole, unafraid.

One particular memory I stepped back into was one concerning my youngest brother who was less than two years old at the time. It was a horrible memory of me coming home from church and walking into a situation involving my step dad. It wasn't as bad as it could have been, but it was still a horrible scene. I'm sure you can guess what it is about. In this moment I froze, I didn't know what to do. Confusion set in. I was a child who was trying to protect myself from abuse at home with my mother and thought I had found refuge living with my stepfather that was always loving and protecting of us. I made the decision to leave this incident alone and figured I could protect my baby brother by never leaving him alone when he came to visit in the future. ( Later I did stand up to my stepfather and I did report him to the authorities when I found out the truth about other kids involved and I realized I could not protect myself, my sister, or any other child from this evil man.)

Moving forward....My life coach and I asked Jesus to show me the truth about how He felt about me in this situation. Was it my fault? Should I feel guilty? Ashamed? Was there anything I could have done? The Lord's response was that I was not to feel guilty or carry the shame. It was not my sin and He did not hold it against me. The Lord spoke this directly to me as He moved into my heart to heal the pain with His comforting touch and remove the shame. My life coach also stated to me that I was a child, this circumstance was bigger than me. I had never thought of that and it meant a lot to me to hear someone else say it.

The next step was to see that Jesus was there in the situation. It was hard to find Him this time. When my Life Coach asked me if I saw Jesus there my reply was no, but I could sense the heavenly host in the room surrounding it, but there was something in the middle I could not see. I had opened my eyes to explain to her what I was seeing at this moment. She told me to close my eyes again and ask Jesus to show me what was going on. As I sought the Lord for His response I saw an angel pushing back a beast like two strong men hand to hand. At the same time I felt the Lord saying He was there, He was holding back the enemy, He would not let the enemy have the victory over my brother!! As you can imagine, it was that moment that the floodgates opened. My heart poured out every tear, every emotion tied to that memory and relief in the truth that Jesus was there, fighting to protect my brother from the enemy. Keeping His word that He will never leave us or forsake us! My brother could have suffered a greater atrocity at the hand of the enemy and I know many have. I don't have the answers as to why, but I know the truth that in every situation Jesus was there in one way or another, and He can and will bring healing if you allow Him to.

This new tidbit of truth has empowered me again and brought more confidence and more strength to me. It's just amazing to see how the enemy uses situations to tear at every piece of our soul trying to make us powerless, empty, broken, feeling unloved, and forgotten. None of those things are true! We are so precious to God, He loves us so much that He has given us everything in this world, all dominion over the enemy. That is why the enemy hates us so much and tries to bring defeat upon us. He knows the truth. He is afraid and even jealous of what YOU can do with it.

Psalms 8:1-9

O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens. 2 From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise because of your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger. 3 When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, 4 what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? 5 You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor. 6 You made him ruler over the works of your hands; you put everything under his feet: 7 all flocks and herds, and the beasts of the field, 8 the birds of the air, and the fish of the sea, all that swim the paths of the seas. 9 O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!

Revelation 12:13

13 When the dragon saw that he had been hurled to the earth, he pursued the woman who had given birth to the male child. 14 The woman was given the two wings of a great eagle, so that she might fly to the place prepared for her in the wilderness, where she would be taken care of for a time, times and half a time, out of the serpent’s reach. 15 Then from his mouth the serpent spewed water like a river, to overtake the woman and sweep her away with the torrent. 16 But the earth helped the woman by opening its mouth and swallowing the river that the dragon had spewed out of his mouth. 17 Then the dragon was enraged at the woman and went off to wage war against the rest of her offspring—those who keep God’s commands and hold fast their testimony about Jesus.

It's not God attacking you! He meant what He said, "For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places." Ephesians 6:12

This is why we can no longer be ignorant of Satan's devices! We must learn not to accept his lies or emotions as our own. If they don't line up with the fruit of the Spirit which are love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control(Galations 5:22-23) then we can know whatever the situation, whatever the thought, whatever the feeling is not from God our Father! He is better than that! He has better for you! You have to accept His love and love. Accept His forgiveness and forgive. Give Him your every hurt, give Him your anger, let Him replace the fear with peace. Overcome the enemy by allowing God to be greater than all your pain and fear. Prove God is true and give His glory not to another and see what He will do for you.

I am raging right now! No more playing defense! I'm going dragon slaying!!

Please allow God to enter your heart and situation by submitting your emotions to Him. Ask Jesus to forgive you of your sins, ask Jesus to forgive you for accepting the lies of the enemy as your own. Let Him heal you, let Him lead you into His truth and all the blessings He has for you. He won't just take it from you, you have to give it to Him and then learn to cast down every thought and every emotion that tries to exalt itself against the truth and knowledge of God. If you write me I will pray with you. Keep seeking His truth and find someone that will pray with you. God Bless you in the Mighty Name of Jesus!

esther2jwl@hotmail.com

Blessing Your Husband, #6 Sweet Aroma

Back to basics. Before I continue on any further, I feel there are a couple of things the Lord wants me to address. The first is being salvation. There is no greater gift or more important purpose of a believing wife than to seek the salvation of her husband. It can become an excellent journey for you, because as you seek the Lord on your husbands behalf, the more you will learn how to let go of your "control" and let God. The closer you will come to the Lord as you learn to trust HIM for everything, especially that of your spouse. You will find your purposed beauty and suddenly your husband will discover this deep inner beauty in you as well. Guess, what? Nothing can compare to it!

Many a times the Lord brought this verse up to me, "13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy." 1 Corinthians 7:13-14. I did not always understand the importance of this verse until now. I just knew that I had to be obedient to it so many times when I wanted to give up and walk away, but now that I have held onto it and obeyed it, God has begun to bless my obedience to His word. Corinthians 7:16 goes on to say that, " How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?" (P.s here. If your unbelieving spouse doesn't want to line up with God's word he will eventually leave. The light cannot comprehend the dark and the Lord will not make you continue in your sacrifice without some kind of reward, so remain obedient and the Lord will work it out to your favor without judgement against you ) What greater gift can we help give a loved one than to obtain eternal life and all the love and blessings the Lord has to offer? What greater gift can you give to God but to allow Him to use you as a tool to captivate the one that His heart longs for? We've all been called to this kind of ministry. Once again, our sacrifice to unconditional love and obedience will always lead to great rewards. I know it can be hard to separate our need as a wife sometimes to love our husbands as a brother, but we must. Do as the bible says and win him over with your behavior and not your words. There are so many things that this command ties into and we will address, but let me try to keep this short and simple for now. I think I will follow up with a video later.

"Wives, be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they maybe won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives." 1 Peter 3:1-2.

I know, you say but you don't understand, I don't have anything to submit to, he won't take his place and do what he should be doing, or I don't have anything to respect, or I am the submissive wife. First of all there is always something to submit to, you are just going to have to shut up and do it, find something to submit to for now. I don't care if he says you don't need those red vines, put them back. I'm not kidding. I know some of you are going to go irate about this but I am telling you this is how to work things out God's way. I've done it the other way, I did it my way and the worlds way and I was losing. There is a balance and that balance has to be in trusting God at His EVERY word. I was the disrespectful wife. I didn't see myself as being disrespectful though, but to God's standards I was. My actions, my behavior, my lack of respect and love caused my husbands heart to turn hard towards God. I caused my husband to connect every blessing we ever received during our marriage to something negative. He can't even enjoy the good things that came from the Lord because of the bad memories he has connected them to. That is horrible! As a Christian woman there was nothing more horrendous than standing in the way of the cross! I felt utterly ashamed with that realization, but that is what we are doing when we don't respect and honor our husbands the way we have been commanded to. Thank God He promised me new joy and new memories! Now I know why. You have to obey and give God time to work. Again, you must keep in mind there is a great reward. God saying well done, instead of the shame that comes from giving an account to what you could have done and didn't do, because nobody was "going to tell you". You have to fight it through in prayer, not by trying to change or save your husband yourself. I am not speaking to the women that are being sexually or physically abused. There is a balance and you must seek safety for you and /or your children. Keep praying for your husband and being obedient to the Lord and you will get your testimony.

During this journey, the one where my husband said he didn't love me anymore, he was no longer attracted to me, you know, the one that brought me to my knees in devastation saying Lord, why should I continue holding on? How will he ever love me again? How can I make him attracted to me again? The Lord took me back to 1 Peter 3:1-7. "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment...Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." Did you catch that? A gentle and quiet spirit is what men and God equate to beautiful. Not a nagging outraged wife. It continues, " For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their HOPE IN GOD used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands. Respecting, loving, honoring your husbands is a BIG DEAL! It ties into so many areas of your life, their life, your children's life, God's purpose and command! If you follow these you earn the right to be called the daughter of Sarah. I will discuss the honor that follows this later. An honor that causes God to move on your husband and remove other women (men) from their lives on your behalf! Hallelujah!

"The love of God in a woman who is fully committed to Christ is irresistible. You won't need to say a word to your man. Your loving actions will speak volumes!" ~ Winning Him Without Words, Lynn Donovan & Dineen Miller

How beautiful! God has given me another chance to show my husband the cross. To prove that God is who He says He is. To allow God to bring healing and change through salvation to my husband by letting Him heal and change me through the gift of salvation. I have never been so thankful! I believed, but never truly realized the extent of God's grace and mercy or the power of His salvation till now. None of us are good without it. None of us can love without it. I want to love, I want to be loved. I want God in the end to say "job well done!" I want the blessing reigning in our lives and I want to see my husband walking out his salvation.I want my husband to see Christ in me. I want to be the sweet aroma of Christ to both God the Father and my husband. I want to smell good!! lol

Let's pray....

Lord, teach me the kind of obedience You are calling me to in my marriage. Help me to be the aroma of Christ to my spouse. Be my strength in the midst of whatever life brings. In the holy and blessed name of Jesus Christ, Amen. ~ Winning Him Without Words, Lynn Donovan & Dineen Miller

Jesus you said that you are the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. Thank you for sending the Holy Spirit to my husband to show him that you are the way, the truth, and the life. Thank you Holy Spirit for helping my husband to accept Jesus as his Savior and make Him Lord of his life! In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen. John 14:6

Lord Jesus, forgive me if I have been a stumbling block in my spouse's salvation experience. I turn over my will to Your capable hands and I will trust You to save my spouse in Your time and in a way that brings You honor.

Pour a fresh anointing of the Holy Spirit into me each morning to empower me to live my faith authentically before my spouse. Reveal to me the truth of 1 Peter 3:1 and how my words can bring healing or how they can hinder. Let me learn to love my husband with Your love. Let him find Your love irresistible. Remind me daily that You are relentlessly pursuing my spouse and will never give up. Teach me to pray effectively for my spouse, asking for salvation and protection from evil. I ask in the life changing name of Jesus, Amen. ~ Winning Him Without Words, Lynn Donovan & Dineen Miller

"let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting him. For our guilty consciences have been sprinkled with Christ's blood to make us clean, and our bodies have been washed with pure water." Hebrews 10:22
Father, I thank You my husband has a heart to draw near to You, and as he does, You draw near to him. Give him the things that are necessary for his life when he submits himself to you in prayer.(A Wife's Prayer, Pamela Hines)

Thank you Father for allowing my husband to come close to You. Help him lay aside the sin and weights of this world and seek Your face in prayer daily. You said You would forgive his sin and heal the land if he humbles himself and prays. Heal the land of my husband's life, my life, and the land of our marriage. Psalm 109:4, Hebrews 12:1, 2 Chronicles 7:14.

Romans 15:13
13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

I pray now that You, the God of all hope, will fill my husband with faith and hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (The Power To Change Your Marriage, Stormie Omartian)

2 Thessalonians 3:5
5 May the Lord direct your hearts into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance.

I pray you would direct his heart into the love of God and into the patience of Christ. (The Power To Change Your Marriage, Stormie Omartian)

To be continued.....

God's going to do HIM!

Make Me Your Bride

Later I passed by, and when I looked at you and saw that you were old enough for love, I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness. I gave you my solemn oath and entered into a covenant with you, delcares the Sovereign Lord, and you became mine.
Ezekiel 16:8

Now that's a love letter. Just melted my heart and sent warmth down into the depths of my belly. Talk to me, talk to me some more, the passionate lover of my soul!

Constipated Christians!

Just real quick, talking about mandates. You know I was given a mandate this year to be strong and courageous and lead God's people into the promised land. I have started to focus on this more and more and the thought came to mind, of course I won't be able to cross into the promised land unless you are with me. That's just the way it works. So come on people and get with me on this! I want to move on into something better already. In my mind the image came across of people behind me pushing me into it instead me pulling them. Kind of chuckled at that notion then something went ding! That's just it! It goes back to the idea of blessing and promoting your leaders before you can experience the blessing and promotion. Not trying to call myself your leader, but I have been mandated to lead others on. Which leads me to the phrase I heard Rodney Howard Browne use,constipated Christians. You can't PROCEED because you are waiting on a MOVEMENT from the Lord. That cracks me up everytime I think of it! Truth is God is waiting on you. Are you with me or not? Let's get moving!!