Love Me To and Fro

Tonight he came home from work. I kissed him good morning. :) I made him a plate of dinner and he sat in his usual spot at the computer. I wished for a hug, for him to hold me just for a few moments but I let it go. I'm learning to let go, trusting that the Lord is working in him even though I can't see Him molding him and aligning things up in him. And it's okay tonight. I feel the strength of the Lord generating from His love. He told me again tonight He loved me in His word. "For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to shew himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him." 2 Chronicles 16:9. It was this time last year my husband started acting weird towards me. Accusing me of talking to other men, coming home talking about how another woman didn't want him, and when asked later if he was talking to another woman he denied it. When asked what was wrong, because a wife of 17 yrs you know when something is different in your man even though he isn't talking, and his response was "nothing". So you ask again because you know better and he says "nothing". Then you state I know something is and his response is "That's it! I'm leaving! I don't know when, but I'm leaving!" Of course you are left bewildered and frustrated and wondering what did you do wrong even though deep down you know it's not you, just some kind of excuse for his own short comings, it still breaks you down. It was this time last year he started talking about a girl that was let go from his work. "For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to shew himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him." 2 Chronicles 16:9. My loving God was keeping His promise, His covenant to me, a daughter of covenant. I didn't know what was going on but God did. His eyes were going to fro because He loved me. He had already removed her from my husbands presence. A month later I found out what was going on and the Lord answered my prayer and let it be revealed to me where my husband met her. She was the one he had talked about that was let go from work and supposedly no one knew quite why. The first thought that came to my mind was this verse "For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to shew himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him." 2 Chronicles 16:9. During the later months when I was scared and asking the Lord to remove her He reminded me that He already did and not to be afraid because He was in control. The Lord loved me. He kept His word to me. So tonight I love Him all the more. Wanting to give more. I spent time this morning fasting and praying for my husband. Then I started praising the Lord because I know He has good purposes for our marriage. He has brought us this far. I started to declare His word in faith, then I got deeper into worship of Him. I struggled with trust this week in regards to my husband. I finally broke down one day and said Lord this is driving me mentally crazy! I can't go on like this! I know I'm not trusting you, please help me to get my eyes off of him and back on YOU. So this morning I could worship the Lord in love and tell Him because of His word I can trust my husband because I am trusting YOU! I am trusting You to put the love, honor, faithfulness, and integrity in my husband that You purposed. I trust the Holy Spirit is working to deliver my husband and bring truth and change to his heart. I trust You Lord that You will do all that You said You will do! I trust in your love for me! I love You Lord Jesus!

Later my neighbor asked me to come over. It's the first time we have had a real talk. She was telling me about her relationship and trying to figure out what to do. As I began to share with her from my heart she started crying. She exclaimed, " This is amazing! I saw you! I saw what you were going through at the beginning of the year. ( Yes I was kind of puzzled at this point). I saw how devastated you were and how brokenhearted you were and now you are sitting here witnessing to me! How can you sit here smiling and talking about love with all that you have been going through?? Never-mind I know, it's God! But how? It doesn't make sense! You are an amazing woman!" In my mind I'm thinking ahhh..this is what it's all about. This is the testimony God wants people to see. It has nothing to do with me or my words. She personally saw what I was going through and because I chose to stick things out and obey God in His way, it was a testimony that spoke louder than anything that I could have said. My actions and words lined up with Gods word, and caused her to be able to see the truth in it. Of course I could not take any of the credit. I've wronged my husband in the past. So I shared with her all that the Lord had brought me through and what His word says about love. It isn't going to be easy, but if you persevere in His promises you get what you are asking and believing for. She ask, "but what do you do when your needs are not being met?" My response is you go to the Lord and trust Him to meet all your needs. Seek Him for fulfillment first, take your expectations to Him, not your man, and pray for your significant other, then the Lord will move in him. She sees me smiling, talking with hope and love, and now she is motivated to do the same. Now I'm understanding more of His ways. He could have left me by the wayside when I sinned but He didn't. He loved me unconditionally...He loved me in this... "For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to shew himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him." 2 Chronicles 16:9. He could have ignored my prayers and let my husband wander off with the other woman but He didn't. He forgave me of my sins and helped me to do the same for my husband, because I trusted in His love for me.

Tonight another friend made a comment. How do you ever trust again when something like that happens? You can't, and if there isn't any trust, how can you have a relationship? You can't. She's right. I thought back to this morning and I thought God, I am so glad I have you, I can trust in YOU. I trust you and I love you. I trust you are rebuilding my marriage from the ground up. You are laying a new foundation. You are rebuilding that which was devastated and destroyed. You are fortifying and inhabiting that which was lying in ruins. Ezekiel 36:26. Yup, you can't rebuild on the old stuff, that's why God is in the business of renewal. I am all His. And if tomorrow I find everything has crumbled I will keep loving and trusting in Him. In the meantime I trust He is restoring love in my husbands heart for me. One day he will be affectionate towards me. He will hold me. Why? Because God is working in his heart to be a man that loves me they way Jesus loves the church. I declare that my husband loves me with the love that Jesus loves me with. A love that is faithful, unconditional, a love that is filled with integrity and honor, and a love that is self sacrificing. I know God will put good treasures in my husbands heart for me and our children. I can rest in the Lords love tonight, placing all my expectations on Him and not my husband, because Jesus loves me and is working things out in my husband for me. Yes..Yes..Yes... "For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to shew himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him." 2 Chronicles 16:9.