I Won't Shrink Back

I have come to realize that everything I have gone through this last year was to make me bolder, more courageous, refined in His love and word. He knew what it would take to get me to press in and move to the level that He needed me to be at. I am stronger than I have ever been. I realize now that all my years of rejection have left me oweing no man! I now appreciate it and understand that by oweing no one I can give myself completely to my God not fearing what man will say to me, or what they will do to me, or if they turn from me. His faithfulness to me has kept me solely relying on Him alone and my gratefullness to Him makes me want to do what He wants me to do, say what He wants me to say, and go where He wants me to go. Holding nothing of myself back from Him. Amazing how He turns a situation around and makes it worthy of praise!

The Lord has brought precious people into my life to help me during this time and they will have their reward. I know I would not have made it this far this quickly without their help, but He still gets the praise. He's the one that blesses me and provides for me. He's the one that strengthens me and comforts me. He guides me and He goades me. No one can take credit for what He has done for me and therefore I am under no obligation to any man. He was buying my total freedom from man. Now I am free to be just His, used for His good purposes alone! What an honor! And all this time I was boo-hooing feeling sorry for myself. Why couldn't He have just said so?? Lol I guess He has time and time again, I just couldn't figure it out. I would for a short time or so, but I think I got it this time, only because my passion for Him and His word have grown. I knew when the time came I would not be afraid. At the beginning of this year I didn't think so. I didn't even think I could carry on this path anymore, but when push came to shove my heart proved my allegiance. My God! My God! I surrender to you!

Many years ago I had visions of Jesus taking me into places of total devastation helping people and bringing them to know the Lord Jesus. I never contracted the diseases that they had. I was always protected and taking care of. At one point we stopped and I looked to the Lord Jesus, of course I could not see His face in my vision, but I asked Him with a humble heart, " Lord why did you choose me? Why do I have this privilege?" He answered, " It's not because I don't have many to choose from, just few that are willing to make the sacrifice." I never really understood this because I know my failures and I know I've never made the sacrifice, He did.

This year I realize I have made the sacrifice. I made the sacrifice to stand and obey when I wanted to run. I made the sacrifice to speak and share when I was ridiculed for believing in His word and promises above my circumstances. I made the sacrifice to accept His strength when I fell to my knees and wanted to give up. I made the sacrifice to accept His peace and comfort when I was shaken with fear and anxiety. I made the sacrifice when I accepted His righteousness as my own and applied His authority in my life and ruled when all others didn't think I was worthy or holy enough. He has made it so easy for me and you to obtain the victory if you want it. That is why I have what I have and I won't apologize, I won't be shamed by man. I know what HE has given to me. I know what HE has spoken to me. Through His word and Spirit, through the visions I have recieved, the prophecies spoken over me, and the answered prayers He brings forth to me. I know my purpose and that's what gives me confidence in what His will is for me.

He knows what I will do with all that He has given me. I will boast of Him. I will stand on the rooftops and shout praise to Him. I will be the mouthpiece when He wants to speak. I will be the arms when He wants to lend and comfort with love. I will be bold and laugh at the wicked and the enemy. I will be the warrior He uses to crush the enemy under His feet. I will give ALL that He has given me.

James 1:2-5
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

James 1:12
12 Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

James 1:22
22 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23 Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror 24 and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25 But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.


Hebrews 10:35-38

35 So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.

36 You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. 37 For,“In just a little while, He who is coming will come and will not delay.”

38 “But my righteous one will live by faith.
And I take no pleasure
in the one who shrinks back.”


That is why I know He is pleased with me. I don't shrink back. That's why I have ALL that I ask for. I don't shrink back. I press in until I have ALL that He says I have. This is why I don't shrink back....that my faith be proven and pleasing to the one I love!

1 Peter 1:6-9
6 In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7 These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8 Though you have not seen Him, you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9 for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

I had a vision right before Thanksgiving. I was upset in regards to my husband innocently being a little flirtatious with someone, but after all that we have been through this last year it wasn't without reason. He used a pet name that he uses with me and I became possessive over it. When it's all you got, you embrace it! A part of me wanted to know if I was in the wrong and the other part wanted the enemy crushed for good! I said Lord your word says you crushed the enemy under your foot, I want him crushed! Something has a hold on my faith in this area and I want it crushed!! I kept repeating this pressing in letting it build my faith until I began to see an image of Jesus wrestling with a dragon. Soon the dragon was chained and held back. The Lord then spoke to me and said," is that enough?" I said, "no!" The Lord said, " But he is chained up away from you." I said, "No Lord, you said you crushed the head of the enemy and put him under foot. I want his head crushed!! I do not want to go through this again!" Then I saw a big lizard like a komodo dragon chained up. The Lord then asked, "Is this enough?" I said, " No Lord, it could grow back into the dragon. I don't want it coming back. I want it's head crushed! Crush it's head!!" Then I saw a cute little and innocent looking lizard in the palm of the Lord's hand. He asked, " and what about now?" I could not see His face, but I could see Him in all His grandeur with this little creature in the palm of His hand, and I thought but it's so cute and little, and innocent. But I still knew, it could grow back into the dragon and I am playing for keeps. I want to win and not lose, so I said to the Lord, " crush it's head." At this point the image became almost like a cartoon as the Lord took just His fingertip and squashed the head of lizard. It was kind of hilarious, but I knew in my spirit that is what the Lord was looking for. I felt a release of my faith, something break in the spirit. He wanted me to go all the way. He wanted me to see the enemy not as a dragon but as something so minoot compared to God. He wanted me to see how sin can start out as something so small and seeming so innocent, but needs to be crushed before it can grow into the dragon, and be willing to still crush it's head. I have learned it's best not to play with it (sin or the enemy) at all or let yourself be enticed by it even just a little bit. It's much easier to crush it when it's little. Yes, I believe the Lord was pleased with me after this. When I came home things were a lot better with my husband and I am continuing to press in. I won't shrink back.

Psalm 18:32
It is God who arms me with strength, and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of deer, and sets me on high places. He teaches my hands to make war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze … I have pursued my enemies and overtaken them; neither did I turn back again till they were destroyed, I have wounded them, so that they were not able to rise; they have fallen under my feet. For You have armed me with strength for the battle; you have subdued under me those who rose up against me.”

Genesis 3:15
"..and He will crush your head" NIV

Romans 16:20
The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet.
The grace of our Lord Jesus be with you.